I woke up at 4:15 am today, briefly, and decided to have a brief foray into the world of online poker. I had sustained $50 for over a month earlier in the year, so I thought I would continue the practice. I lost two medium-sized hands and decided it wasn't for me, and withdrew the funds I had just deposited.
My conclusion: poker is a seedy world. It is not a world that I want to get caught up in. Sure, it is a kind of skill that involves critical thinking and mathematical reasoning. I am not morally, adamantly against poker on any ideological grounds. It's just not something that I want to make-up my identity.
I was reflecting on the world of psychiatry as well. Right now, I am a mental patient. In that, I am going through a med change and have a psychiatrist who is actively following me and overseeing the change. They are increasing one of my medications to bring it up to a therapeutic level, and hopefully getting me off another medication. If you have never gone through a med change like this before, suffice it to say it is not pleasant. The effects it has on your body can be substantial.
But my point about psychiatry is this: it's possible to get too wrapped up in it. I believe I may have crossed the line into guinea pig, whereby I have let too many psychiatrists work on me over the years. I can't seem to just admit things are fine. I get talking to a psychiatrist and they make me believe that my condition could be improved (always, irrevocably through medication adjustment).
I was even doing fine off medication (in 2023). I was not the most stable person, but I was finding meals to eat at homeless shelters or at drop-ins, and I was generally a pretty happy and contented guy. I have told this story in the past, but it was my mother and sister who ended up Form 2-ing me, based on some subjectively sketchy emails that I had sent around to my family.
I am not sure what to make of psychiatry. Perhaps it is helping me right now. But I think there are alternative paths that an individual can choose should they wish to experience life using their own strengths and weaknesses.
Hitler (and I admit I have very limited knowledge on the figure and have studied even less about World War 2) targeted the jews because they seemed out of place. In Germany, in the 1920's and 1930's, the Jewish people were a group who kept to themselves and appeared different. They had their own customs and practices and were sort of outsiders in society, in the sense that they did their own thing. Hitler capitalized on this to demonize them and use them as his tool for mass propaganda. It seems that dictators always need a group to target when rising in power. I want to read more about this.
I was reflecting on Jewish people because I was raised among them, and a certain individual came into my life and left it just as abruptly (for the second time in my life) within the past 2 years. Perhaps I shouldn't even comment, but there is an enigmatic quality to the Jewish people that mystifies me sometimes. It's best not to categorize people into groups and then critically analyze them, but perhaps there are commonalities among groups of people, mostly that are beyond my ability to comprehend or comment on.
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