Energy

 I had not started thinking in terms of energy (of people) until recently, when an acquaintance guided me in interpreting my neighbours' actions towards me in terms of the energy that I put out. I kind of like that. People have certain energies, and this can affect the way you feel and operate.

For three years, I was obsessed with the idea that I just didn't make a good first impression on the folks that live here, and that is why they were treating me in a cold fashion. It sounds silly, but I thought first impressions were everything, and permeated throughout the course of all relationships. When she mentioned that the energy is the same (as in other places), it got me thinking that perhaps it is I who determines the course of how I interact with people here. Whether I'm in this building, or one across the city, "the energy is the same."

That opened up how I feel and I actually started to relax a lot, taking in the physical beauty in which I am surrounded, and starting to view the people as having their own distinct, separate lives with their own challenges. My case manager (who I am now very disillusioned with) mentioned that I should get out and make friends in the neighbourhood. She also told me that I had put on weight. Well, her "bad" energy transferred onto me (sounds superstitious, and it probably is) and I am starting to feel claustrophobic in my environment again. She lacks an understanding of mental health and our challenges, and will not be returning to see me. I have fired her.

She was incapable and incompetent from the beginning, could hardly speak English (not her fault, of Indian origin), and kept calling me by the wrong name. I have very rarely been this disappointed in a mental health professional.

And so, energies flow through us, and can make an impression on how we feel. I have to keep in mind that "the energy is the same", and just try to enjoy my surroundings as much as possible.