Bereavement

 Research is not always best. Sometimes it's best to let unbridled creativity, stemming from thoughts, guide the blogging process. Losing a loved one, such as a parent, is hard. Recently I was distracted by my life, my "relationship" (call it what you will) with A.M. and his nuisance prevented me from fully concentrating on the missing piece of my life, which was the absence of the person who had passed (or died).

Sometimes euphemisms are good, sometimes they are not. She died.

Anyway, the smart thing to do is think about it rationally and move on. Focus on the people who are still alive. But emotionally, it's far better to take time to be alone. This is why the empathetic thing to do is give someone time to be alone when dealing with the loss of someone whom they loved.

I think feeling is very good. Unfortunately, the medications that I'm on prevent me from feeling too profoundly. I am left clinging to someone who matters very much to me as my sole bastion for a relationship.

I'd rather be a grounded person than an awesome person. It just so happened that I was involved, or entangled, with the dark one while the event of her death occurred. I was not responsible for this, I know rationally, but emotionally processing it involves coming to terms with one's role in the life of the person who has died. It's not always best to be smart, sometimes it's best to be grounded, empathetic, caring, safe, and a good listener. I wonder if bereavement counselling will help, even though the craziness of the events surrounded her untimely death caused the elapse of about 7 months before I could actually sit and somewhat process it. Again, the lithium makes it almost impossible to have any feeling.

I don't need to be logical. I need to feel and be human.

Waking up in the middle of the night is a problem for me. It interrupts my night and prevents a good sleep. I will try to do some more research tomorrow on some topics and come up with some good articles. For now, I just need to get back to sleeping.

Happiness does not always mean being an intelligent, productive, and smart person. We know that some of our vices are bad, but we do them anyway because we have thought it through and decided to take the hit to our health, even though health (and happiness) should come first. There is a reason why intelligent people have vices (like smoking, or drinking). I don't think intelligence and happiness are not mutually exclusive.