Black tar

 One of the biggest mistakes I've ever made (not literally) was posting personal information on the internet. A.M. found me and worked his way into my life over the course of about four months. Stalking, dropping off gifts, being a nuisance.

The depth of his involvement into my life left me covered in black tar. When I say this, I close my eyes and envision myself drenched in black tar. That is the extent of his influence.

Some families steam roll you and get what they want. Families are a very powerful force. In this case, I feel completely saturated. I went from being free and alone and a shining star to being swallowed up by the _arks. The poster empire that built their influence is strong and deep. That is why I consider blackness to be their main trait. It is a visual image in my mind and that's how I feel. It is suffocating to the spirit and disturbing to the mind and (almost) body.

When this happened the first time, I had to visualize myself eradicating the black tar from my mind, by visualizing whiteness, fire good. I pictured my cube, my world, and spraying and washing away the black tar. But somehow there was something lurking beneath the surface. A giant fireball or star that was swallowing up the space around my blackness. Millions and millions of dollars and an empire that has far-reaching implications around the country. I didn't want to be enveloped by the force. A lot of life comes down to energy, and how we perceive things. Energy is real.

Energy is why I have trouble falling asleep where I am. But the black energy of the _arks is a very real thing. The way they buy out their competition makes them think they can do whatever they want. Now the long process of recovery begins and over the course of the next decade, I hope to regain some of my freedom and undo the negative influence that this person has on my life. I am older, too.

Tonight, I finally had another visual, and that was steep, black tar seeping all over me. I had gotten the black individual out of my life but then low and behold, the pest that this person is, he appeared. Instant triggering and instant influence, I am now enveloped in the sticky, gooey, net of negativity and power. I don't know how to clean myself. My life was severely impacted. It was a light, empty feeling, now it's a heavy sludge. I can feel them thinking about me. Discussing me. Wondering about me. Worrying about me. Figuring out how to acquire me. I wanted a free, light feeling with my person. I didn't want to become part of the _arks.

Maybe through the power of words I can help explain what it feels like to be swallowed up.

I'm going to post a picture of something that I bought and that is arriving today. My pet will greatly enjoying roaming around the outdoors with this, and perhaps, I will feel tranquility and peace while enjoying the outdoors and expanding my domain.