Forgetting

In human relationships, sometimes someone puts an indelible mark on you. Sometimes, though, you are around people who are independent and self-sufficient. These are the people you don't worry about. But the black holes of human suffering, the odd person, really leave a mark on you. Generally, when someone fronts you or crosses you in some way, I have adopted the philosophy of "forgive and forget". If you can put time in between the offense to your psyche and the present, generally, moving on and not worrying about it is the best practice. I have blogged about A.M. a few times, and I consider him to be a devastatingly destructive individual. My friend said he has "issues". I have never seen such a dark energy in my life. It's as if his spirit has been infected for a few decades and has been festering. Unfortunately, once again, through the "internet", he was able to locate me and show up and worm his way into my life. I recently tried to adopt the philosophy of "forget"so I phoned him, and his voicemail was disconnected. A grown man.

I live in fear that he will show up again. I like relationships to have neat and tidy beginnings and ends, especially when the person has a history as deep as this. We had grown up together, or at least been inseparable from the period of children on. But I think, looking back, it was I who was always the stronger one. I can't let that negative energy bring me down.

I kind of lost my faith in humanity a while ago, but my cynicism leaves me vulnerable to people who are attracted to it. I believe I am very hesitant to ask for help, as I don't believe people generally want to help you. Or if they do, they want something in return. The exception could be professional relationships, but even then, "roles" comes into place and they are just getting a paycheck. I have learned this through my own work - that the professional does not truly and unselfishly care about the client.

So, I am left in an isolated spot. A position of being an island. Time is the great healer, but perhaps there are things that time cannot wipe out. Some people transcend time, and as we age, time grows ever short. The clock ticks to our death.

But we can still try to forget, as long as the people around us are not needy and worrisome. It is worrying about people that I detest the most. I like clean relationships, not evil darkness and black sludge.

I could blog a lot more about A.M. as I have never witnessed such an atrociously dark person.