Bipolar Disorder

 I was diagnosed early, like 18 years ago. Recently, there was a mix-up at the pharmacy and I had an 8-month period where I wasn't on medication. During this time, I had crazy experiences and a lot of upheaval. Something changed within me, I began to not care. I was hanging out with Albert and Ryan from the store, who both are against medication entirely. So I probably got away with some changes in my personality that most people would not put up with. My episode was complete with religious awakenings and trans-continental travel.

That's what happens when you ween off medication after being on them consistently for 16 years. After that time, it seems your brain is completely dependent on them.

I was angry, and rude to a lot of people. Some of them have not forgiven me. My mother, apparently, received some angry language from me and has since died, so I will never know how the relationship would have been had I not stopped medication towards the end of her life.

A lot of people don't like medication. I, myself, am less creative and happy when I'm on these heavy medications. They impact my brain. And of course, I wonder what my life would have been like had I never started them in the first place. But, of course, I do remember some situations early on in my 20's that do remind me that I in fact, in all likelihood, have bipolar disorder, which is a debilitating and serious mental illness. It's not fair. And the damage that I do to my life when in denial of my condition or off medication is also not fair. People don't understand, or at least, don't forgive and forget.