Grooming

 If one were to have a child, it's not really responsible to groom that child to be your friend. Unfortunately, I grew up in a family where my father had no friends and thereby relied on his children (me especially) to be his friend. I remember this put enormous pressure on me as a child, to please my father and to make my own friends. I grew up hating him, and eventually, he lashed out at my physically and I retaliated. The result was I ended up in a psych ward.

Through sheer luck and the benevolence of the country in which I lived, I ended up independent and in control of my life, and happy, at my current age. I feel like I can do as I please, but the grooming that occurred through out my life, vis-a-vis my father, causes me stress to this day. He is still alive, and I feel, still, responsible for his happiness. I mainly pity him.

I had a beer yesterday and I was pleasantly surprised as to the effects it had on me. It's not a good habit to get into, but I am realizing now I don't need to be on all this medication. I am on 2 anti-psychotics and 2 mood stabilizers, and there is no reason I should be on this much.