Confuddled

 People rub off on me. It is ingrained within me to absorb other peoples' energies, and I spend time in my mind, precious real estate, going over conversations and experiences I've had with other people. I seem to be coming to the end, hopefully, of my obsession with the term that I spent with Aaron in 2024. That period was shockingly instrumental in shaping how I view myself. I have to admit  he made an impression on me, but it's more like chains that bound me and tied me to an older version of myself, one where his presence in my life was meaningful.

I struggle with day-to-day things like a hatred for my medication, and the constant annoyance of having tunes and songs play in my mind. I keep hoping that these infectious melodies will subside, and there are indeed periods of appreciated silence and quietude, but overall I can't seem to shake the curse.

Living alone and being introspective, I have the time and reserved inclination to remark on these things. I try to maximize happiness and efficiency in the use of my time by coming to terms with the deeply psychological realities of my life. I spent some times at the clubhouse today, which was essential because I craved stretching my legs and altering my scene. I am reminded of my time with Ryan, from the store, because he motivated me a lot and our relationship really opened up a lot of pathways within myself, in terms of gaining confidence to approach people and achieve.

I am looking into a trading program where we are taught to trade (strategies, techniques, etc.) and it seems like a pretty good opportunity, if one is interested in trading the financial markets. I am, but unfortunately I don't know about the timing because I am going through some severe repercussions of the side effects of the heavy medications I'm on. I see the doctor tomorrow and am hesitating now to tell her I want off, or to taper. There are positives but overall, as per some of my prior posts, I feel like shit most of the time.