Peace of Mind

 Of all the goals that I seek, the one that is the most valuable is "peace of mind". I am not after great wealth or riches, or power, I just want to relax and know that everything is okay. Unfortunately I have alcoholics around me (figuratively) so creating distance and boundaries is essential for me obtaining my inner peace. I view a simple life with peace of mind more valuable than a complicated life full of riches and intrigue with inner turmoil and angst. Every time I have a run in with Howard, my inner peace of shot. The man pounds wine and scotch all day and night, every day. I will let him do his thing, without wishing him harm, but I want nothing to do with him.

I think it's safe to say that the rest of my life will be geared to tranquility and peace, and accomplishing this shouldn't be that difficult if I'm simply able to have the power of will to release, both mentally and in the physical world, ties with the people who are clearly toxic. Unfortunately, Aaron still lives in my mind as a tremendously scary and unbalanced person who never provided the closure of the end of the relationship, but I can still let time do its thing and move on from the damages that they have cost me.

The way that relationship with Aaron ended is that it didn't end. I beat him in chess over the phone (phones complicate human social interaction immeasurably, we have "texting" as a new method of communication, not to get started on "social media", which I avoid). And he disappeared into the night, never to contact me again.

I have to realize that he has his family, the "Marks", who provide him with money, that he must stay loyal to. So having me around was just kind of a side-hustle, a fringe relationship that he would never really truly embrace. He was still a child. But allowing this dangerous child into my life was a mistake. He wouldn't leave, and then ended up with the "ghost" way of ending a relationship, or friendship, or whatever the heck it was. Remembering where peoples' loyalties lie is a useful way in determining how good someone is for you. Or maybe it just doesn't fucking matter.