Do we use mental illness as an excuse for poor life decisions? As I move through life, I am distraught and how difficult and meaningless things have become for me. The only reason I can have to explain why I am in the state that I'm in is a poor upbringing, or bad parents. The other could be that I'm just naturally not that bright or effective as a person. Or maybe it's a combination of both.
I can look at my life and see it as great, but as I get up in the morning, all I can do is look around and see what's wrong with it. The idea of death is comforting, that one day this will all end. There is an end to it. No one escapes it. So, comparing myself to others during the time we have on this earth is a bit futile. I wonder if my medications are right? I don't like the idea of being on medication. There are a slew of side effects and honestly it has turned me into a bit of a vegetable. I think of Aaron saying "You've tried the alternative, right?". I truly hate that person.
I just look back to when I was twenty-three and my mother drove me to the emergency ward after I admitted, at 4am, that I could accept some professional help. They immediately admitted me into the psych ward and I was locked up there for 3.5 weeks and drugged.
That, to me, is a catastrophe. And the result of a stupid decision by a very stupid bitch (my mother, Lois).
I have been through many trials and hardships as a result of this to the point where I'm just a shell of a person. I don't have any meaning and my life leads and has lead nowhere. But not to worry, I only have another 30 - 50 years of this shit.
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