Prisoner

 I am a prisoner in body and mind. I was never allowed to be my own self, and my family, as toxic as they are, always prevented me from stretching my wings and learning how to navigate life on my own.

Now, I am on two anti-psychotics and two mood-stabilizers (including Lithium) and my body is twisted and torn. Bloated. My mind is trapped and all I hear is music when I'm doing nothing. I'm 41.

This should not have happened to me. I trace it back to 2023 when, after having battled to release myself from the control of psychiatric medication, my sister and mother decided to issue a form 2 on me, legally allowing the cops to bring me in and hold me at a psychiatric hospital.

Of course, I was brought to a psychiatric hospital when I was 23. Since then, I have not been able to work, be healthy, or have a normal life. I have the strictest most horrible parents (and sister) in the world.

Now, my father struggles to maintain a "relationship" (as he calls it) with me. He calls me frequently, as he does my sister by his admission, leaves messages two days in a row, and emails. In the words of my mother, before her death, as parents, they want "emotional support" (from their kids). I view this as extreme abuse. It is also absurd that I am 41 and going through these rebellious issues. But my father being the scary, dangerous psychopath that he is, this is the first time in my life that I have the means and ability to do what I want.

A sad story, a tragedy even, is my life. I don't want it to end in suicide. But the brutal pain of this olanzapine and the constant musical hallucinations, at all times (including in my dreams) put me in an unbearable situation. I will try my best. For now, keeping my father blocked is the first step. He can keep the family's money and not pass it on to me, that is fine.